Before we get started, let me call your attention to one curious fact:
Timemaster was directed by James Glickenhouse and stars Jesse-Cameron Glickenhouse.
What an amazing coincidence, right?
And, yes, if you are still wondering, Jesse is the director’s son.
Not that you would have much doubt about that after the first twenty minutes or so. If that much. After all, Jesse is the worst part of this film. The most disconcerting part of his performance is that he keeps reminding me of the enormously talented Omri Katz, who played Marshall Teller on Eerie, Indiana. Jesse has the same blank stare of astonishment Marshall would have on his face when he found a doorway to another dimension in his school locker or whatever.
The only problem is that Jesse wears it all the time.
In fact, I think it may be his only expression.
We have Michael Dorn (without his Klingon makeup but unrecognizable behind a mustache I’ve never seen him wearing before) as the master of a casino where people literally gamble their lives for a chance to extend them. There’s a drug which can keep you alive indefinitely — as long as you keep taking it — but which is distilled from those who lose in the games.
He’s taken Jesse’s parents to use as pawns in his games, and it is up to Jesse to save them, with the help of a Mr. Miyagi-like janitor who just happens to be played by Pat Morita.
So Jesse has to jump from one alternate timeline to another, from the Old West to various futures, pasts and presents, to help his parents survive the latest traps laid for them. He hopes to free them and get back to save his sister from the orphanage, all while avoiding the soldiers who are after them.
It sounds a lot more exciting than it is. In fact, the correct response might very well be Jesse’s blank stare.
So file it under “blander than vanilla,” it really isn’t bad, it even has a moment or two that aren’t entirely bland. It is even moderately entertaining, particularly if you are watching it while texting your friends, playing videogames and talking to someone on the phone, all at the same time.
Just don’t expect much more.
rivets on the poster 