(aka, Titanium) Not all planets are created equal. Yet many harsh and barely livable planets have been colonized by the “Free Worlds League” of the distant future, like the planet XT-59 (which is apparently called Titanium in the version I saw), where all the colonists have been placed in a highly controlled, high-tech city. It’s […]
Read more "Vychislitel [The Calculator] (2014)"
It’s Thanksgiving night and one of the most important days of the year is about to begin: Black Friday! Well, it’s important if you happen to be running a big, strip mall Toy Store, and your bosses expect you to make a lot of money before the store closes for the day. A lot of […]
Read more "Black Friday (2021)"
Things have fallen apart. There was the war and other catastrophes, but the real problem is that everyone just lost interest in living. Only a few children have been born since the war, the population has fallen catastrophically. The world is dying. Everyone clings to the last shreds of the old world: a record album, […]
Read more "Crumbs (2015)"
Now I know what you’re thinking. Classic Gene Autry movie serial, singing cowboys, horses, a radio show and an army of soldiers from an underground civilization — on Horseback. But this is a Fred Olen Ray film. So it’s horrible cave mutants ripping someone’s head off. And that’s just the opener. Now I’ll admit it, […]
Read more "The Phantom Empire (1988)"
I’m not sure what happened. Chris Wallas, the special effects master who was responsible for designing Joe Dante’s Gremlins, was acclaimed in the Eighties for his incredible creature effects. But by the mid-Nineties, he’d fallen out of favor and virtually vanished. I suppose, with the rise of cheap digital effects, movie makers just didn’t feel […]
Read more "Journey to the Forbidden Valley (2017)"
I wish this film really exists. Seriously. I love the lovely black and white cinematography, which looks like what you’d have seen in some super cheap Fifties horror film. I love the way this faux trailer has been edited, with the constant scare headline titles and dramatic bursts of movie you’d have found in any […]
Read more "ATTACK OF THE BRAIN LEECHES (2011)"
All, right, all right, I admit it: I like this one. Even if it was directed by Jim Wynorski. Jim, of course, is responsible for one of the worst films I’ve seen, The Thing Below, and has had a long and very busy career making cheap exploitation films, frequently involving monsters and girls with large breasts. […]
Read more "Chopping Mall [Killbots] (1986)"
This one proved better than I expected. The basic story is simple enough: aspiring author Paul Mantel gets a mysterious package in the mail, apparently addressed to the people who lived in the house before him. When he opens it, he finds a large cocoon, which appears to hold some sort of insect. He’s unemployed […]
Read more "It Came for Friendship But Found Food (2010)"
Hoo boy. Durn them pesky Ruskies! They keep comin’ around and interrupting me when I’m trying to have a cold brewski! Worse than that, the Russians have invaded and crushed us easily, thanks to their army of Shark-Headed commandos. These were made for them by a brilliant German mad scientist. Yes, German. Don’t blame me, […]
Read more "Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark (2018)"
(Honorable Mention. Probably) Isaac Ezban has, in the course of his very short career to date, shown himself to be one of the stranger new directors out there. This was his first film. I’ve reviewed the other two he made, the strange and Twilight Zone-ish Los Parecidos, with its strange goings on in a tiny […]
Read more "El incidente [The Incident] (2014)"