I hate to say it, but the operative phrase here is “nice try.” It’s not like The P.A.C.K. is terrible. Despite what had to have been a cripplingly low budget, low budget filmmaker David A. Prior made quite a respectable little action film which is, naturally, quite reminiscent of other films we’ve seen. But then […]
Read more "The P.A.C.K. (1997)"And once again I watched a movie I was never, ever going to watch. Let’s face it: I’ve seen Brett Kelly’s movies before. Well, to be precise, I’ve seen one of his movies, Raiders of the Lost Shark (2015), it just feels like I’ve seen a lot more of them because that one is so bad. […]
Read more "Konga TNT (2020)"(aka, The Dark Knight, Ferocious) I’m willing to forgive a lot of sins when it comes to what I like to call a “Garage Band” movie. By that, I mean a film made with far more love than money, by a tiny group of people working out of their garage. Not that I haven’t seen […]
Read more "Dark Nemesis (2011)"It must be something about Bigfoot. Here’s one of the best movies I’ve seen from The Polonia Brothers — the legendary Grade Z filmmakers who’ve made an incredible number of memorably bad but surprisingly addictive DIY shot on video films for well over thirty years. It’s almost as good as Among Us (2004), which I consider […]
Read more "Reel Monsters (2022)"Most of you probably missed one of the greatest recent disasters which befell independent film creators. Admittedly, unless you were one of its victims you wouldn’t really have noticed. Amazon.com had been one of the major platforms offering Independent and fanmade films, and was one of the few places where these creators could actually get […]
Read more "The Man with the Golden Hand (2014)"I have never seen a Polonia Brothers film that recycled this much footage from another of their films. If you know who they are, then you realize this is no idle claim. They started out shooting their own homemade DIY Shot on Video films back in the late Eighties and early Nineties, became cult icons […]
Read more "Invasion of the Empire of the Apes (2021)"You have to admire his bravery. A lot of directors run away the moment anyone starts talking about their early work and it isn’t much of a surprise. After all, most early efforts were made long before their creators had any clue what they were doing. Most of them end up cringing the minute their […]
Read more "The Brain Leeches (1978)"Let’s see if I got this straight… Your typical evil drilling corporation’s offshore drilling rig somehow managed to release, from thousands of feet below the Earth’s surface, a… Fifty foot shark. Right. Shouldn’t have used the big drill bit, right? Now I almost hesitate to note this as this is a Polonia Brothers film. This […]
Read more "Jurassic Shark 2: Aquapocalypse (2021)"Hoo boy. Durn them pesky Ruskies! They keep comin’ around and interrupting me when I’m trying to have a cold brewski! Worse than that, the Russians have invaded and crushed us easily, thanks to their army of Shark-Headed commandos. These were made for them by a brilliant German mad scientist. Yes, German. Don’t blame me, […]
Read more "Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark (2018)"There are times when the phrase “practical effects” hardly seems adequate. Take Maggots, one of the lowest budgeted films I’ve ever seen with Fred Olen Ray’s name on it (as producer, not director): there is a practical monster, and we see a lot of it. The only problem is that it is a hand puppet […]
Read more "Maggots (2017)"
rivets on the poster 