Empire of the Apes (2013)

It is actually impressive to see so many of the Polonia Brothers‘ stock company of players in one movie. Of course, when I say “see” it’s a somewhat relative term as almost all of them are hidden behind ape masks.  Or security guard masks.  Heck, even Mark Polonia himself is hiding beneath one. In fact, […]

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Razorteeth (2005)

There was a short film by Andy Kumpon some years ago called “Last Stop Station” which ends with an memorable final declaration:  “This project was made for less than $1000 dollars, shot on video, and edited with scotch tape, so what’s your excuse;” It’s one of those statements I think about a lot, particularly when […]

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Alien Surveillance (2018)

This is a remarkable and unexpected film.  Unfortunately, those of you who need constant stimulation are going to hate it. What we see on our screen is four separate screens, with a time clock running at the top.  These screens each represent a security camera at a bank, and the action takes place across all […]

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Battle Bots (2018)

This is Mark Polonia’s take on the Giant Robot movie. Maybe. I have to say “maybe” because it really isn’t clear that the robots are giant… For those who haven’t encountered them before, the Polonia Brothers were one of the strangest success stories of the direct to video market, where they churned out a stunning […]

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Land Shark (2017)

It’s a little hard to explain the appeal of the Polonia Brothers‘ films to the uninitiated.   More like “really hard”, actually. For more than thirty years, they’ve been making some of the the worst films ever to get a professional release.  However, the strange thing is that, if you’ve seen one Polonia Brothers film, you’ve […]

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Splatter Beach (2007)

After a considerable amount of thought, I’ve decided that the problem with this film is that it is too good to be a Polonia Brothers film. Blame Brett Piper for that:  he was their DP on this film, and it shows.  After years of ragged, shot on grainy video efforts, we have a Polonia film […]

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