The Killer Eye (1999)

“…an Alternate Universe…”

“…Like New Jersey?”

This is officially the best line in the movie.

You now have no reason to watch it.

Really.  I mean it.  None whatsoever.  Nada.  Zip.  Stay away from this thing.

I watched this because someone said it was so bad it was good.  Nope,  Not a chance.  Just bad.  Very bad.

This is really no great surprise as David DeCoteau directed the darn thing.  It’s amazing how many bad movies this man has made, most of them for Full Moon Features.  Some of you may recall that he directed the dreary Creepozoids, and that I considered it a seriously awful film, only slightly better than The Thing Below.  Which, you’ll admit is pretty bad.

If anything, this one is far worse.

This is one of those movies where you can go out for popcorn, a bathroom break, do a sudoku puzzle and talk to your neighbor about how to deal with your crabgrass problem, then come back and find what looks like the same scene on the screen.

Really.

You see, there are these endless scenes with one of two female stars writhing while supposedly being felt up by an alien tentacle (which they’re probably working themselves).  Not only do these scenes go on forever, with the same repetitive “This is soooo sexy” music playing over and over again (the sort of thing an aging bachelor probably has piped into his bedroom), but the same basic scene happens again and again.  Cut them out and this might even be a short film.

And miles better, thank you very much.

Okay, there’s a plot of sorts, in between all the panting and heaving and the singularly dull bits which are what passes for alien tentacle sex (the Japanese do that sort of thing so much better, if that’s what you want).  A scientist is working on a device that will allow us to see the Eighth dimension.  Now, we’ve all read Lovecraft’s “From Beyond” or seen Stuart Gordon’s film version, so this should sound very familiar.  Very, very familiar.

And, of course, we know it’s not going to work out well.

So far he’s had bad results and injuries and it just hasn’t worked, but what the hey, lets hire a male prostitute as the latest guinea pig.  Unfortunately, he doesn’t just go crazy, or realize that the horrible things from beyond can see him now, but something escapes from the other dimension, gets in his eye and turns into a giant eye monster, killing him when it bursts out of his skull.

It then skulks around chasing girls until we’re almost at the end and it actually has to blast a few people with eye lasers to justify the title.

There’s more to it than that, but not much.  The scientist’s wife is a nympho, so we get a few extra dull sex scenes in (and yes, you can read that either way), more of the same dull sexy music, and a couple of hot guys with bare chests which seems to be Dave’s directoral signature.

And that’s about it.  Yeah, the alien has a sinister plan, and we get a dull glimpse of its eighth dimensional world (it wasn’t worth all the effort) and the scientist does do something unexpected at the end.

But it definitely wasn’t worth the effort to get there.

So file this one under “avoid.”

And if you really feel that you have to see this thing, it’s free on Tubi.  You definitely don’t want to pay for the privilege of seeing this thing.

Buy at Amazon (paid link or I sure as heck wouldn’t suggest it):

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And check out our new Feature (Updated April 21, 2020):

The Rivets Zone:  The Best SF Movies You’ve Never Seen!

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