The Toxic Slime Creature (1982)

Uggghhh.

I guess we can blame the internet for this one. In the early days, people uploaded almost anything to Youtube, including the sort of stuff that would only ever have  shown on a local access channel.

Of course, if you’d rather, you could blame the early days of VHS. Back then there was this strange subculture of super-cheap movie distributors who dumped a lot of 8MM and shot on video (SOV) movies onto the market. As you can imagine most of the films they churned out were basically terrible (with a few that achieved something close to cult status, like those made by the Polonia Brothers).

There wasn’t much that distinguished Vidimax/Carlson International from the rest of these except for a piece of dumb luck: one of there cheapies featured a topless scene by Louise Ciccone before she became Madonna.

A fire destroyed most of their masters, so their films exist today as poor VHS copies and partial copies. I have to wonder if The Toxic Slime Creature was one of these partials because it just…ends.

Mind you, it is poor enough that you can hardly cite that as a reason for calling it incomplete.

Now we have a handful of employees working late in a small factory when a train wreck sets a mysterious chemical on fire. The fumes will burn your skin off, so they are trapped inside. Unfortunately, the fumes also seem to have brought a big, brown slug-like thing to life.

And that’s about it.

The creature doesn’t look like much and we never see it in the same shot with its victims — not even when it chases one of the employees through the plant and we watch it from one of the catwalks above.

So we get lots of talk, some terribly staged action, a few poorly filmed deaths, a remarkably unimpressive monster puppet, with poor sound, no noticeable acting talent, a lot of confusion, a largely trivial script, and no apparent filmmaking talent on display.

Sigh.

Some films should just stay lost.

(For more about this terrible film, see here)

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