Just what we needed.
Another Doom movie.
Now I know there are people running around praising this one. Yep, it’s closer to the original — well, bits of it are. It’s on Phobos instead of Mars. And they call the BFG by its familiar fan “Big (*bleeping*) Gun” nickname.
But that’s about it, as far as I can tell.
Now, I would add that it is nowhere s good as the first Doom film except that this would give the wrong impression. Despite the negative reviews, I actually liked Doom, in a stupid, mindless action movie sort of way.
And while there is plenty of action here for those who only showed up for the zombie blasting and no shortage of monsters, none of it really stands out. It just isn’t as effective as the first film.
Ironically, one of the most obvious problems is the monsters. Yeah, there are a lot of them, it’s just that there are only two different types (except for a single “boss” that shows up at the very end).
I mean, the game has lots of different creatures of one sort or another — and the first film had plenty of truly icky and horrifying Stan Winston creations. Admittedly, that is its main selling point (although Karl Urban, the Rock and Rosamund Pike are better than anyone in this film) but we all know that a few CGI nasties and some repetitive mutant zombie makeup isn’t going to measure up to anything the Stan Winston team creates.
And let’s face it, Stan Winston and crew really went overboard on Doom.
Meanwhile, the rest of the film is far more like what you’d expect than you’d ever expect. We get the usual Space Marines, the usual tough female, the usual disgraced team sent off to the worst assignment in the Solar System, the usual things jumping out at you when you most expect it. They get there, everyone is dead, the mutants show up, there’s lots of shooting, and the guy who’s been acting suspiciously all along turns out to be working for the enemy.
Mind you, while the threat suddenly returning at the end is also ridiculously familiar from untold legions of horror films, the Doom fans will probably love it as that is how all the games do actually end.
Oh, well. It’s not exactly terrible. It’s just…routine. Average. Unexceptional. Familiar.
And let’s face it…
Which really sums it up better than anything else.