La nave de los monstruos [The Ship of Monsters] (1960)

It isn’t enough to say they don’t make movies like this anymore.  The only place anyone ever made films like this was in Mexico, and even they didn’t make that many.  This is one of the silliest movies ever made.  Ever.

It is also a lot of fun.

I think the general idea here must have been to shoehorn everything which had ever appeared in a Fifties SF film into a single movie.  We have the dying race from Venus, looking for perfect mates to save their species (They want men, not women.  You’re thinking of Mars).  We have the sexy girl aliens sent to collect specimens, whose uniforms could double as one-piece bathing suits.  We have the big friendly robot which might almost be the deluxe model of the one The Devil Girl From Mars, only with all the bells and whistles and a few extra lights.  We have not one monster, but four, covering most of the popular Fifties styles:  The big headed alien with the exposed brain?  Check.  The one eyed giant?  Check.  The spider creature?  Check.  The super powerful alien from the race who have lost their material form?  Check (well, he still has his skeleton left.  And he never does show off just how powerful he is.  So we just have to take his word for it).  We’ve got ray guns that do all kinds of amazing things, a rocketship which apparently has a different shape in almost every scene, and, of course, the obligatory spacewalk, courtesy of the most miss-matched clips of Russian SF movies ever (and probably the only time I can remember seeing footage borrowed from Doroga k zvezdam [The Russian Road to the Stars]).

But, obviously, this isn’t crazy enough.

No, we have to add the mysterious and conveniently located cave where the aliens are stored, a romance with a juke box, and, naturally, a singing cowboy!

Who comes complete with several appropriate songs about love, stars and a wish for a luscious woman to love come true.  And a Mariachi band which just happens to be following him around when he’s in town.

But we still could do a little better, right?  So lets make one of the girls…a vampire!

Look, don’t expect it to make much sense (what woman in her right mind would pick those four creatures to mate with????).  But how can you resist a movie where a monster devours a cow and leaves its skeleton intact and standing upright in its stall (heck, it even had to construct a steel framework to hold it all up!)  I have no idea how they got this one made.  One can only be thankful…

…Particularly for the fact that they only made one like it.

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